Dear Crochet: Nice to meet you. Welcome to my list of hobbies that I start with the hope that I don’t fail and give up within a couple of months.
Dear Balance: You elusive, difficult thing you. I’m trying to find a way to manage all of the different aspects of my life, whilst also trying to focus on myself more. There’s a lot of trying going on, and its almost working.
Dear Twitter: Thanks for showing me that I’m not the only person who lets social anxiety convince my brain that everyone hates me. Its nice to get reassurance from others, and then set aside my worries in the “not important”pile in my brain.
Dear Bagels: You make life a better place to be. Thanks for having such a great relationship with tomatoes and cream cheese. Together, we can face mornings with a smile!
Dear Merlin: I love how you support my hobbies my trying to eat my crochet work. I love how you support my attempt to be more organised by eating my to-do lists. I also love your possum tail.
Dear Gym: Its nice to be getting back into a routine with you.
Dear Europe: One year ago exactly, my feet has just started wandering through your cities. This year has flown by faster than I could imagine, and yet my memories of the beautiful places and amazing sights Edd and I saw are ingrained into my mind as clear as they day I experienced them. Thank you for enriching my life and teaching me a few lessons along the way. One day, we’ll be back.
Dear Friday: It feels like you were a long time coming but now you’re here and I am so glad. So. Glad.
Dear Madmen: Thank you for being a new show to occupy the late hours of the night. I love your 60s outfits and loathe your outdated attitudes. It was fun. See you for round 2.
Dear Laura: Just a reminder that you are an amazing person with so many possibilities open to you right now. Let your heart lead the way because whatever you do will be fantastic, but you deserve to do what makes you happy. Thank you for being an incredible friend.
Dear Chinoiserie: You do the best darn food and are unfortunately just walking distance away. Dangerous. So, so dangerous.
Dear New Car: I thought there would be a transition period where we got to know each other but you are already the highlight of my day. Is that sad? Probably, but your new car smell and comfortable driving make me happy. Its the little (but still really expensive) things.
Dear Merlin: You grow so big everyday but your still my little baby. Your tail is as fluffy as a possum and your paws are ridiculous. You make me and Edd the happiest fur parents, especially when you keep trying to make friends with the neighbourhood cats who have no time for you. Keep trying, your optimism in the face of such blatant dislike gives me hope in my own social life.
Dear Stressful yet Satisfying Job Interview: Finally an interview that I aced instead of screwing up with nerves. Apparently being too sick to be totally in control of your mind does wonders for coming across as relaxed when you are usually the total opposite. It was nice to see that practice really does help in the world of not crying all over potential employers.
Dear Edd: Congrats on getting your license! Although I have loved being sober driver for a rather long time, I do look forward to now being able to drink as many margaritas as I can handle before you take me home.
Dear Self: I think this week we learnt two really awesome and important lessons, even if there was a bit of pain and unhappiness in getting there. Firstly, no one needs to be involved with high-school dramas. The moment I realised that it was my choice to let immaturity affect me was the moment I was free. Free to be happy and surround myself with the positivity the radiates from so many of the awesome people in my life. Secondly, self-care. Don’t let yourself be second to everything else. When my body decided it had had enough of not being looked after I felt the consequences. In order to be effective in life and productive in what you do, you have to make sure that you are happy and healthy. Lesson learnt, now I am just working on the ways to ensure my relationship with myself can be prioritised.
Dear Self: Happy 24 years on this earth. Hope the next 24 are just as fun and full of love and adventure. Keep making mistakes, keep learning, keep growing. One step in front of the other, we can totally do this.
Dear Come Dine With Me: You make sick days worth dozing through.
Dear Car: You have been with us for around 4 years now and so it came as a bit of a surprise to discover the plethora of problems you have been hiding under your bonnet. Although I could complain about how we had no warning that we would need to fork out all of our dollars and more on a new car, I can instead be positive and think about the fact that this means we get to upgrade!
Dear Parents: Thank you for always answering my calls when I need advice or get into tricky situations. I feel like without you I would just curl up in the foetal position and nothing would ever get done.
Dear Corn Chips: After our Mexican birthday party it seems as though our house has been full of you. Don’t worry though, turns out you make a great meal replacement.
Dear Everyone: All my birthday wishes and birthday presents made my day. Love to you all.
Dear Blood Test: I have spent the last year and a half doing everything I could to procrastinate getting you done. I have a strange sense of achievement now but also a pretty big sense of stupidity as you were no where near as bad as I built you up to be in my head.
Dear Edd: Thanks for holding my hand x
Dear Self: Now is the time to remind you not to volunteer for everything. Sometime’s its good to get a day off. Pat on the back for taking a very stressful week and doing a pretty good job at conquering it, even without adequate sleep.
Dear Dreams: I know you feel a little murky and things are little unsure right now. Rest assured that you are always at the forefront of my mind and with a little careful planning you shall soon become goals which will then become achievements. Just be patient with me.
Dear Creamy Mushrooms: I am one step closer to making you perfect and then I can stop throwing money away for brunch.
Dear Tiny Turtle (Niece): Looking forward to your visit. You grow so fast and your smile is bigger every time I see you. Love to you and your chubby cheeks.
Dear Serial: I may have been the last person to this confusing and emotional journey, but I have finally finished all of your podcasts and have been left suitably in tatters. Just give me a goddam answer already.
Dear Workmates: Please stop jumping ship and leaving me to fend for myself. I need you all to make life more bearable. Along with wine and chocolate, which will never leave me.
Dear Savings: You and me have got some talking to do.
Dear Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Every time I watch you, I love you more and more. Thank you for being such a beautiful movie.
Dear February: You are one very busy month. Take it easy, you are supposed to be the best month of the year, even though you’re the shortest. Bring on birthdays and anniversary’s and other good things.
Dear Angel Olsen: Thanks for creating such beautiful music with lyrics that talk straight to my heart. Like the ones that gave me my title.
Dear Merlin: So it turns out you are a pretty amazing tree climber. Thanks for those moments in the middle of the night where sleep evades me but you are always around for cuddles. Thanks for being such a big boy at the vet. Love you and your giant paws. ❤
Dear Long Weekend: We both know how needed you are right now. I don’t think I could work another full week right now even if I wanted to.
Dear Edd: Thanks for being the best chilli chef I ever did know. If I had to choose one meal for the rest of my life, your vegetarian chilli would be a top contender (along with a lifelong supply of chocolate and red wine x).
Dear Unrelenting Fear of Rejection: Stuff you and stuff all your mates too. This week I totally ignored your voice in the back of my head and I don’t even care if I get rejected (okay, i’ll care but not enough to stop me trying in the first place).
Dear Frozen Strawberries: Where the heck have you been all my life?
Dear 2015: Sorry for being a bit absent so far, in more ways than I can count. I promise to try harder to make the most of all of your days and use my diary more.
Dear Brothers: Happy Birthday to one of you, much love to all four of you, even when shit goes wrong. We all make mistakes.
Dear Coffee: I think I am slowly coming to the sad realisation that I’m not sure we can be best friends anymore. Don’t worry, the break up will be slow and gentle. I couldn’t handle it any other way.
Dear Merlin: So I haven’t officially introduced you yet but you have, without a doubt, been the best part of 2015 so far. Thanks for being such an incredible character and for meeting me after each and every crappy day, ready for cuddles and already purring. I already can’t imagine life without you. xx
Dear Flatmate: So we now have a dog for two weeks and although my sinuses hate you right now, the big labrador cuddles more than make up for it.
Dear Spring: I love you and your beautiful flowers. My hay fever hates you and your disgusting pollination. Why can’t we all just get along.
Dear Edd: Thank you for being so understanding of me and my crazy moods. Sometimes I still forget how amazing it is to be married to my best friend.
Dear Broken Dishwasher: You taunt me as I clean the dishes by hand. I hope that makes you feel better about yourself.
Dear Bill Bailey: Holy cheese you were hilarious. I don’t know how you play so many instruments so incredibly well but your Reggae dubstep remix of the Downton Abbey theme tune was pretty much the best thing ever.
Dear Body: I know, I know, I have abandoned you like Nemo abandoned his dad, totally unintentionally and I’m really sorry about it. Promise to start working on this soon.
Dear Body: Further to the above, if I try harder could you also try harder? My job involves talking non stop all day so when you decide to make me sound like Chewbacca with a pillow over his head, life becomes just a little more challenging.
Dear Lorde: You put on an amazing concert last weekend and I still get chills just thinking about it.
Dear Neighbour: Thanks for offering to keep our dog guest a secret from the landlord. You are way cooler than I was expecting.
Dear Sleep: I need more of you in my life right now.
Say Hi to Raja/Ranger
How do I put into words the sadness I have in my heart for losing you. How do I apologize enough for not being able to save you. How do I go from being a crazy cat lady to mourning the decision we had to make for you.
Everytime I think that life is going back to normal I see a reminder of your place in our household. A forgotten toy, a rogue cat treat that you were saving for later or just one of the many photos of you. Suddenly that feeling like I am choking on nothing returns and I feel like I will never move on.
I wish things had been different. I wish we had known what to expect. I wish we had had you in our lives for longer than the last two, short years.
Some people won’t understand what it is like to lose you but for me its like I have lost a member of my family, albeit a smaller, fluffier one than most. I won’t feel ashamed for missing you but I will be hopeful that eventually it will stop hurting so much.
I have so much to say but the words don’t come easy. I know you are better now and no longer in pain. I am glad that now we carry the pain instead whilst you move on. I am also glad I got to hold you for those last few moments of your short life.
Thank you. For inviting yourself into our lives. For sharing our meals even when we didn’t want to. For spending each night as part of our bedtime huddle and enjoying long weekend sleep ins. For taking up my instagram with endless photos of your gorgeous face. For being awake with me at night when I couldn’t sleep. For being the sassiest cat I knew and scaring away all the neighbors despite your tiny size. For being there for me when I felt alone or sad, even if you didn’t understand why I needed your cuddles. For annoying me when I chopped vegetables and then looking at me with disgust when I offered you some. For sticking your head in bags of Doritos. For watching cat videos on youtube and loving them almost as much as me. For sitting on my lap through endless hours of study and blogging even though there wasn’t much room under my desk. For being a part of lives that was so much bigger than I could have expected.
Thank you for reminding me to cherish each moment we have with our loved ones.
We won’t ever forget you
If you tame me, we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I will be unique